Listened to a Timothy Keller podcast this morning. [Rise] Public Faith. It's about the woman at the well and how Jesus spoke to her, knew her, and still loved her, infallibly, endlessly. He does the same for me and all of you.
It's a challenging look at how Jesus loves the world, and as a follower of Him, how I love. It left me feeling convicted and wanting to encounter more of Jesus. Reminded me of His unending grace. Pointed me in the direction of relationships that I have failed and inspired me to succeed in the future.
Last night. Wow. Can't believe I stayed up until, well, this morning; 3:30.
Had the most amazing conversation with my cousin, best friend and childhood playmate.
We haven't been in touch for years. Actually we were 10 when we last hung out and we are in our 30's now. If it wasn't for him and his amazing communication skills and huge heart, we probably still wouldn't be talking. I'm terrible in that way.
But he did take the time to connect and I'm so thankful.
As children we were inseparable, playing all summer long in the trees, catching frogs, and the general running amok that kids do. We shared some stories with my own kids last night. Some I hold dear to my heart and some I had forgotten about. My cousin has an amazing memory!
We shared the joys of growing up together, then when the littles had gone to bed we got down to the harder issues. Things we have wanted to talk about for ages, but have not had the chance to, until now.
We all carry burdens. All of us have gone through terrible and beautiful things. Sometimes the terrible are harder to figure out. What exactly did happen? Why? How did you get through it all? Where were you?
We were inseparable for years and then at 10 years old, we no longer saw each other. All of a sudden we were ripped apart and our lives took two very different directions. As a child you just roll with it, not really understanding everything, but going where the adults in your lives place you. We were only a town away but I never saw him. My life was then consumed with basketball, a new best friend, and lots of time with my sister. I honestly never even thought of how his life was and as he shared his story with me last night, I was so ashamed of my shallowness, my lack of thought toward him, my forgetting.
In short I had never thought of his side of the story. I was just whisked away and that was that.
Meanwhile, he was in his own home, dealing with even more darkness, sadness and confusion.
I'm not going to go into mass details for his sake and all of ours for that matter but my heart is heavy at the thought of the burdens we all carry. The things that happen to us and are flung on us or taken away in confusion, and we must all figure out how to deal and keep going on.
Decisions matter. They do not only affect yourself. Decisions affect all of those around you and most likely a generation after, possibly more.
Sin hurts. But God heals.
I don't think much about what happened all those years ago. I don't dwell on it or feel like it defines me in any way. I truly feel healed from it all. My story is not the same as others though. Some still are reeling from the pain, figuring out how to move on, how to forgive, or maybe just swallowed up by the choices of others and deciding to join in. I have Jesus in my life who has healed me, given me peace and washed all the hurt away as only He can.
But having such a beautiful and heart felt talk with my sweet and strong cousin has made me see things differently and more clearly, which has allowed more healing, more understanding and more love to come into our lives.
I'm so thankful for the gift of humility, love and care that my cousin is to those around him. He truly is an amazing man! I am blessed to have him as a friend again.
God is teaching me sympathy right now. He is showing me things that I couldn't see in the past but are so clear now. He is softening my heart, molding it to look more like His.
I'm so thankful for the people God uses to help me on my journey and I sure hope to be a help to others as well.
In short: be humble, love much, and go the extra mile to connect with someone. You won't regret it. Be the healing balm to someone's life if you can. That's a good choice and we need more of those in this world.
We all carry burdens. We all can love. We all can make this world beautiful.
Choose rightly. It matters.
I have been listening to a lot of Jon Foreman. He says things better than me.
I printed out these pages (scroll to the bottom for the print outs) for the kids, hoping it would encourage them to want to read some of the books or maybe even all of them! They took them eagerly looking over the pages of suggested titles and were delighted that they had already read a couple or were in the process of reading one now. Grace is reading My Side of the Mountain and promptly ran upstairs to continue her much loved book. She will get the joy of checking it off her list and rating it, too, alongside the real joy of getting transplanted into another place and time, caught up in a story.
I also printed off a series of 20 questions to ask each child. I started with Zade this morning: Of all the things you are learning, what do you think will be the most useful when you are an adult? He answered with READING. :)
August perused his pages of suggested books and decided to read Blueberries for Sal and as he read I sat by him on the couch and pretty soon Liam came over and we all laughed and enjoyed the book together.
Our days are made up of many things, but reading is a huge chunk of it. My kids have read more than I did in my entire school career and that is not a stretch of the truth! We choose books that are living. Whole books, written usually by one person who is passionate about the topic. Books that tell the information through beautiful story telling. It has been such a fun adventure these last few years and I look forward to the many years ahead filled with beautifully crafted books and all the discussions that come with them.
There are days when you don't want to do anything but life calls and you must answer. Things you can't get out of even though all you really want to do is lie in bed, curled up, maybe watch a movie, or not.
But you don't.
You take the next step.
You mop the floor.
You kiss your kids.
You tell your husband sorry.
You get a new plan for the kitchen.
You make dinner.
You smile.
You breathe deep.
You can do hard things.
And it feels a whole lot better at the end of the day than if you would have just stayed in bed. Although there are times for that, too. ;)
Today I chose to do the hard thing. To keep moving. To ask forgiveness. To repent.
I cried. A lot. I worked through feelings of frustration, hurt, and anger. I got a lot done and it felt good.
Thinking on the last couple days. There is a time for leisure and a time to work. Being able to move when life calls you to and knowing when to rest when all the work is done. Balance. It's the best way to live.
In a world that screams for our attention this way and that, all day, every day, I say, "No."
Life is made of a million little choices mixed with a few big ones. One of my big life choices was to move to a small town up in the mountains. We live here with next to no neighbors but for a few months of the year. It is quiet. It is brimming over with wildlife. It is beautiful every season of the year. But still, we can fill our time with activities, ignoring our surroundings and feeling the stress of the world. We can fill every hour, leaving no time for the wonderfulness of just being; resting and seeing and listening.
We must be intentional if we want to be rested, truly rested. We must take time to feed our souls with truth, beauty, and goodness.
Leisure for me, those things that really make me feel at peace and content, are Sunday morning worship with fellow believers, reading a good book, and being outside with my family.
We turn up the music at home and sing together but there is something so magical that happens at church when a group of us sing to the Lord and sit, receiving the Word of God in harmony. The Spirit of God meets with us and there is nothing like it.
This poem had me contemplating life's gift of leisure:
I'm so thankful for a good friend who I can have good conversations with.
This last week we sat under the warm sun on freshly painted chairs and talked about relationships, school, birds, God, frustrations, joys and books.
My ten year old was playing outside and would swing by us to listen in. Do you remember doing that when you were young?! I can remember those months as I was still just a kid but curious about what all the adults were talking about. I don't remember anything specific after all these years, but it was interesting at the time.
So, we were there, discussing books. Which ones to read or not to read. Which ones we were challenged by or absolutely loved. I spoke about wanting to instill a love of reading into my kids but not knowing how exactly to do that. They have to read everyday but sometimes instead of getting caught up in a story, they just keep checking the time until they can be done. I try to give them beautiful, living books but want them to pick up something that they are excited and curious about so they will enjoy it. Even though a couple of them say they love reading, they will almost always choose something else to fill their time.
I am just at a loss of what to do.
Maybe they don't have to love it right now. Maybe they just put the time in and get surprised they actually enjoyed reading. Maybe they will love it later in life, like their mama, when they have questions that need to be answered and curiosities that need explored.
Anyhow, my ten year old was there listening in. He didn't say much. I didn't change what I was saying because he was there. But I wasn't really talking *to him either.
Today he told me he didn't want to read his current book anymore. His own words were, "I don't think God wants me to read this, Mom."
"Okay. So why not." I asked. (He has been reading The Hunger Games, because his sister just finished it.)
"It makes me think things I don't want to think. Things I'm not okay about."
We had a great conversation about listening to the Holy Spirit, how we won't/don't always agree with what we read but we can still learn from it, how it can in fact teach us how not to live, how we need to look to the redeeming characters to emulate, and how if you really don't like it, you can put it down.
My son has a very sensitive heart. But he also thinks very logically and analytical. I wasn't sure if it was such a great idea to let him read the book, but I trust him. And he ended up doing what he needed to do. For him, he needed to put it down and read something else right now. He may read it later in life. He may never finish. Who knows at this point.
But what I found interesting was that he asked for a book that was "wholesome", "good", and just "fun".
He had heard me say those very words the other day when I was talking with my friend.
For our school, we really do try to read the good, true and beautiful. I think their favorite read alouds have been the Ralph Moody books.
He tried a book out. It turned out for him, it was an error. As a mama, I am fairly protective of what my kids are apart of and what they are reading, listening to, watching. I don't always make the best choice but I try to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit's leading. In this case, like I mentioned before, I trusted that he would know as he got into if it was for him or not. I'm not too hung up on the decision for the fact that it has given me huge insight with my son and what he loves and wants to be about and what he struggles with and doesn't like.
It was a good lesson learned.
He has requested books about presidents and inventors! He read a book about George Washington last year and it has kept with him. Trial and error has showed him more of what he likes and he is better off for it.
And because we just read Fables today, I will wrap this up with a "moral."
Don't be afraid of making mistakes. You can learn a great deal from them.
This was not the beauty of her youth and freshness, of which she had had a plenty.
The beauty that I am speaking of now was that of a woman
who has come into knowledge and into strength and who, knowing her hardships, trusts her strength and goes about her work even with a kind of happiness, serene somehow, and secure.
It was the beauty she would always have.
Her eyes had not changed. They still seemed to exert a power, as if whatever she
looked at (including, I thought, me) was brightened.
- Wendell Berry
It has been a week of contemplating, "What is beauty?"
I read this last night and was so inspired by it. Words put together, like that quote, imputes beauty into this world and when read or spoken, can fill up it's reader or hearer and spur them in the direction of wanting to live up to those words. Can it be obtained, this beauty? Well, I sure know a few women like the woman spoken of by Mr. Berry.
We talked about how we must really know and understand something to be able to teach it to others. Also, how writing can help us get our thoughts and ideas out and properly organized. How writing can actually help us think.
I had the kids each teach the rest of us how to do something.
G showed us how to wrap a present.
Z taught us how to connect the Wii to the T.V.
A's presentation was on how to make a fruit platter.
It was fun to see what they chose to teach!
It was good for me to keep my mouth closed and let them do the talking!
They each did a great job keeping the right sequence of events. They "did" while they taught so it was probably easier than if they were just thinking through the steps. They spoke clearly, made precise movements and rarely looked anyone in the eye! ;)
They were each very enthusiastic in wanting to share their presentation. I think there is something in all of us that desires to share and talk about something we know and it's important to be able to get the opportunity to do so. It's also important to be able to share exact words you are thinking. I know I have struggled with finding the right words my whole life! I want to challenge my children to speak clearly and use the right words, taking the time to think about what it is they are trying to communicate with others. Words matter.
Last year I read a book about C.S. Lewis and found it fantastic that his tutor didn't let him get away with shoddy thoughts spoken wrongly. His tutor would challenge him until Lewis got it right and spoke clearly. I know C.S Lewis was blessed with an amazing mind but look also at what great teaching and an attention to detail produced in him!
As a homeschooling family we don't have a lot of audience, but I will continue to do more exercises like this one and find ways for them to speak in public, also.
In the mean time we will continue to teach each other and think by writing.
