Loaded down with blessings

Life is a whirlwind right now. In the past, I would have freaked out by now. TOO BUSY! MUST STOP! JUST CAN'T DO ANYMORE! But somehow at  the end of each day, I turn to Micheal and say something along the lines of, "I can't believe I'm still going." School takes a large chunk of our day, and cleaning up afterwards. Meals are constant along with the driving to and fro for sports practices and games. Trips have been planned and gone on. Relationships are being formed and deepened. 

It's all absolutely great. I love my life. I love this stage. I love the crazy. 

I have not always been able to say that and maybe I won't be singing this same tune in 3 months time.
 But for now, I will enjoy the ride and choose joy and thankfulness. 

You see, I have loved my time at home. The quiet of our days. The beautiful and steady routine. It's been a most lovely 12 years. Yes, we have done plenty in those years. Lots of activities and running amok, but this is a different season. I realize I am entering into a new span of time. A time of going, exploring and being out in our community. Things are opening up for me personally and us as a family that we have never been apart of in the past. And it's FUN!

Also, we have now been at our current residence for 2 years. We are settled. It feels like home. Oh, dulce domum, such a wonderful place. 

We have friends and with that comes some of life's most terrific blessings:
                   Laughter! 
                           Dinners! 
                                   Encouragement! 
                                           Tears! 
                                                        Conversations full of challenging and sweet words. 
                                               
I realized a couple of months ago that I have a fear of people. I don't really know how that fear got there but now that it has been shown to me, I have the power to deal with it. I am a very transparent person but with people you can get hurt, so there is a vulnerability with relationships that is terrifying. I have been going back and forth with myself and God and a couple close friends about these issues. I have been working out what exactly to do about these feelings. I have been challenged to step out and be a friend. A good friend. The kind of friend that I want. It's tough sometimes! I am such a homebody, I could be home all the time and be happy. But really, when I'm honest with myself, being a part of my community in the small ways I am right now give me great joy also. I am becoming more and more comfortable out in the great, small place I call home. I am not allowing myself to go over and over the stupid things I say when in groups. Really, I am getting over myself and seeing the gold in others. 

You know what I am finding? 

There's a lot of gold. 

I'm rich and loaded down with blessings.

Monday Monday

We are about to enter into our 8th year of homeschooling. I have never been great with school photos. Seems like my head is elsewhere (planning, organizing, cooking breakfast, etc.) but not this year! We are ready! Let the "formal" studying begin.... on Monday. ;)

I sure hope they treasure this time together as much as I do.

Incredibly Loud

There are moments when, all of a sudden, or maybe it has been working it's way to a pinnacle and I was ignoring the signs, my mind needs to shut down. Not just sleep, but rest. I could feel it last night when I had to go to bed RIGHT NOW. But then, what did I do? I watched 3 (THREE!) episodes of a show. Now, I love the show and it was enjoyable to watch, but what I really needed was rest.

So, this morning I tried to get up earlier than normal so I could have some time to myself and get things done. By the time it came around to getting into the car to head to church, I could feel myself falling apart. I wanted to cry. My daughter asked me to braid her hair and it was hard. It shouldn't have been hard. I felt ashamed and guilty. Why couldn't I just pull it together? Should I go to church and struggle through the whole service or stay home and have quiet time. There was a war going on in my head and I just couldn't find the balance.

I talked with Micheal and ended up feeling like I needed to stay home. He completely supported me and loaded up the kids for church by himself.

As I took the garbage out and was trying decide on what to do for the next few hours the Lord whispered, "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ."

I knew it was in Romans and quickly opened my Bible and read chapter 8.

The sighs escaped out of my weary self, the tears dripped down, the God's peace filled me up.

This has been a very busy summer. I wanted to have fun with my kids! I wanted to make great memories and DO things. But I lost my balance.

As I was reading in Romans and - oh, my lands, what an amazing book! - I was reminded that I am weak without God's Spirit inside of me. Romans 8 talks a whole lot about His Spirit and as a Christian I am in Christ and His Spirit is in me. The peace that comes from reading those words and being able to somehow - BY HIS SPIRIT! - accept those words of truth into my life is the best feeling in the entire world.

I was reassured of His love for me. His presence in my life. His Spirit guiding my every decision. I was filled again with the Spirit of life and love and joy and truth. I had my touchstone again. Balance. You know when you feel all dizzy when you stand up sometimes and you find something strong and secure to hold on to. Yeah, that is Christ for me. He holds me up and while doing so, the fog clears, the blurry vision is turned clear and I feel strong again.

Today I struggled to make the right choice. I didn't want to let people down. My son was playing the drum with his Daddy for worship for the first time and I wanted to be there to support him and enjoy that time together. I wanted to fellowship with other believers who I haven't seen in a couple of weeks. To be an encouragement to them and listen to their stories. I wanted to soak in the Word together.
In the end, and at first I was feeling selfish for the decision, I stayed home. I rested in Jesus. I prayed like I haven't prayed in a long time. I relished in God's love and forgiveness. I sought the quiet and He met with me.

In a world that is incredibly loud, I need to make space and time to rest quietly.

Lord, help me.

Almost School Time

We got home on Tuesday evening from visiting the coast. It was a very needed time with family and oh, so fun to be at the beach!

Micheal had done a concrete job for a neighbor so we all got to sleep in the next day. He wasn't working his normal job. What a treat!

Then we all got to work. August helped his Daddy outside in the 95 degree heat and the other kids did some reading, cleaning inside, and helped at the end of the day with picking up the tools and scraps and whatnot. They also painted the trim pieces for outside.

I have been planning for school. I did a lot of the work earlier this summer but with most of the books in - just one more!- I now have a better idea of which ones we will get to together and which ones will be free reading and which ones I can only hope to get to. ;)

I have our Morning Time pages printed out, our term 1 memorization pages placed in all our binders, and the schedule of what our days will look like.  Morning time we do all together and that includes Bible, poetry, literature, memory work, and lots of discussion. We are breaking up our history and science readings this year. It is going to feel a bit different as we change things up with August doing more and Grace and Zade needing to be in different books, too. We have done SO much together in the past and that just won't work now.

After Morning Time ( don't know why I am capitalizing those words but it just feels right!) we do independent work and then they each will have Mama Time in which I will work with them through their science books and geography. Liam will get pictures books read to him and also time in the kitchen with me.

This year we are studying the Middle Ages and we are all very excited! We turned on Pandora yesterday and designed our front pages for our binders. The kids asked when we start and said they are looking forward to a new year. Music to a mama's ears!

About a month ago I was reading Psalm 90 and it really was encouraging to me. We then read it together in church and it was confirmed to me that verse 17 would be our "verse of the year."

And let the beauty of the LORD our God be upon us,
      And establish the work of our hands for us;
             Yes, establish the work of our hands.     

I am praying for a wonderful year of growth, fun, and understanding. A gaining of knowledge, better habits, and right relationships. I pray for humility, love, and good attitudes!!! 

Lord, bless the work of our hands. Please enlarge our hearts and sharpen our minds. Thank you for your grace and mercy. May we ever be acknowledging You. Amen.  

Summer Bucket List

Quite a few years ago I made a list of things we wanted to do in the Fall. I made a cute 12 x 12 poster with everything written down and would cross things off as we went. 

I haven't done that since, until this Summer. At the very beginning when things were exciting and there were so many possibilities I scribbled down some ideas on a scrap piece of paper. 

I found that piece of paper yesterday while cleaning up and this is what it included: 

 River    Camp    Berry picking    Stargazing    Campfire   
 Basketball    Volleyball    Small road trip    Birds of   Prey 
 Finish front room    Kitchen    Swimming    Sleepover
   Pizza & Movie     Make jam     Write letters    Zoo    Oregon    Roaring Springs    Date with each child   
      Date with Micheal     Garage sale  

I was surprised we had done so much! It has been a really fun summer! I'm looking forward to finishing off the list! 

40 Pines

I awake to a crackling fire. The good kind; contained in a metal ring. Husband is up early. 

Coffee is on. 

I open my eyes to sun streaming through 

onto my son's perfect, smooth, young skin. 

His hair is more blond than usual. 

The big kids rustle out to join their father, excited for the day. 

What will it behold? 

 Bathing in hot mineral water, climbing rocks, 

panning for gold, 

fishing, eating, reading stories. 

Mama and Dad take their turns in the hammock, counting the tall pines - 40 - surrounding them, while the kids run and ride. 

This weekend we celebrate life, specifically the life of our 12 year old first born and only daughter. 

We camp to commemorate the keeping of time. 

How long since the last trip? 

Almost four years, right before the birth of another sweet life, our third son, last child. 

A breeze flows through, chasing away the heat. I hear robins and some unknown insect chirping about the beauty of the day.

I hear the river skipping down, down, down. 

I smell nothing but the fresh mountain air. 

This is the perfect Summer day. 

Challenges!

I've posted about poetry and Shakespeare. I've posted about loving when it's hard. I've posted about reading the great books and parenting.

This is my post on getting myself back.

I looked in the mirror yesterday and I didn't really like what I saw.

I am 20 pounds heavier than ever in my life. 20 pounds!! How in the world?

I told myself no today. No to being so young and not being in shape. No to not exercising. No to that sweet treat. Actually I didn't even have to say no to that last one because my body just doesn't want it. It is high time to get back to where I was years ago. I am not comparing myself to anyone other than myself. I know what size and weight I felt great at and it's not what is currently on the scale!

So, here I am taking baby steps. 10 minutes of exercise is better than nothing. Getting back in the kitchen making whole foods is time consuming but so worth it. Even telling my kids no to sugar laden "snacks".

It's happening and I'm so ready!