Incredibly Loud

There are moments when, all of a sudden, or maybe it has been working it's way to a pinnacle and I was ignoring the signs, my mind needs to shut down. Not just sleep, but rest. I could feel it last night when I had to go to bed RIGHT NOW. But then, what did I do? I watched 3 (THREE!) episodes of a show. Now, I love the show and it was enjoyable to watch, but what I really needed was rest.

So, this morning I tried to get up earlier than normal so I could have some time to myself and get things done. By the time it came around to getting into the car to head to church, I could feel myself falling apart. I wanted to cry. My daughter asked me to braid her hair and it was hard. It shouldn't have been hard. I felt ashamed and guilty. Why couldn't I just pull it together? Should I go to church and struggle through the whole service or stay home and have quiet time. There was a war going on in my head and I just couldn't find the balance.

I talked with Micheal and ended up feeling like I needed to stay home. He completely supported me and loaded up the kids for church by himself.

As I took the garbage out and was trying decide on what to do for the next few hours the Lord whispered, "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ."

I knew it was in Romans and quickly opened my Bible and read chapter 8.

The sighs escaped out of my weary self, the tears dripped down, the God's peace filled me up.

This has been a very busy summer. I wanted to have fun with my kids! I wanted to make great memories and DO things. But I lost my balance.

As I was reading in Romans and - oh, my lands, what an amazing book! - I was reminded that I am weak without God's Spirit inside of me. Romans 8 talks a whole lot about His Spirit and as a Christian I am in Christ and His Spirit is in me. The peace that comes from reading those words and being able to somehow - BY HIS SPIRIT! - accept those words of truth into my life is the best feeling in the entire world.

I was reassured of His love for me. His presence in my life. His Spirit guiding my every decision. I was filled again with the Spirit of life and love and joy and truth. I had my touchstone again. Balance. You know when you feel all dizzy when you stand up sometimes and you find something strong and secure to hold on to. Yeah, that is Christ for me. He holds me up and while doing so, the fog clears, the blurry vision is turned clear and I feel strong again.

Today I struggled to make the right choice. I didn't want to let people down. My son was playing the drum with his Daddy for worship for the first time and I wanted to be there to support him and enjoy that time together. I wanted to fellowship with other believers who I haven't seen in a couple of weeks. To be an encouragement to them and listen to their stories. I wanted to soak in the Word together.
In the end, and at first I was feeling selfish for the decision, I stayed home. I rested in Jesus. I prayed like I haven't prayed in a long time. I relished in God's love and forgiveness. I sought the quiet and He met with me.

In a world that is incredibly loud, I need to make space and time to rest quietly.

Lord, help me.

Almost School Time

We got home on Tuesday evening from visiting the coast. It was a very needed time with family and oh, so fun to be at the beach!

Micheal had done a concrete job for a neighbor so we all got to sleep in the next day. He wasn't working his normal job. What a treat!

Then we all got to work. August helped his Daddy outside in the 95 degree heat and the other kids did some reading, cleaning inside, and helped at the end of the day with picking up the tools and scraps and whatnot. They also painted the trim pieces for outside.

I have been planning for school. I did a lot of the work earlier this summer but with most of the books in - just one more!- I now have a better idea of which ones we will get to together and which ones will be free reading and which ones I can only hope to get to. ;)

I have our Morning Time pages printed out, our term 1 memorization pages placed in all our binders, and the schedule of what our days will look like.  Morning time we do all together and that includes Bible, poetry, literature, memory work, and lots of discussion. We are breaking up our history and science readings this year. It is going to feel a bit different as we change things up with August doing more and Grace and Zade needing to be in different books, too. We have done SO much together in the past and that just won't work now.

After Morning Time ( don't know why I am capitalizing those words but it just feels right!) we do independent work and then they each will have Mama Time in which I will work with them through their science books and geography. Liam will get pictures books read to him and also time in the kitchen with me.

This year we are studying the Middle Ages and we are all very excited! We turned on Pandora yesterday and designed our front pages for our binders. The kids asked when we start and said they are looking forward to a new year. Music to a mama's ears!

About a month ago I was reading Psalm 90 and it really was encouraging to me. We then read it together in church and it was confirmed to me that verse 17 would be our "verse of the year."

And let the beauty of the LORD our God be upon us,
      And establish the work of our hands for us;
             Yes, establish the work of our hands.     

I am praying for a wonderful year of growth, fun, and understanding. A gaining of knowledge, better habits, and right relationships. I pray for humility, love, and good attitudes!!! 

Lord, bless the work of our hands. Please enlarge our hearts and sharpen our minds. Thank you for your grace and mercy. May we ever be acknowledging You. Amen.  

Challenges!

I've posted about poetry and Shakespeare. I've posted about loving when it's hard. I've posted about reading the great books and parenting.

This is my post on getting myself back.

I looked in the mirror yesterday and I didn't really like what I saw.

I am 20 pounds heavier than ever in my life. 20 pounds!! How in the world?

I told myself no today. No to being so young and not being in shape. No to not exercising. No to that sweet treat. Actually I didn't even have to say no to that last one because my body just doesn't want it. It is high time to get back to where I was years ago. I am not comparing myself to anyone other than myself. I know what size and weight I felt great at and it's not what is currently on the scale!

So, here I am taking baby steps. 10 minutes of exercise is better than nothing. Getting back in the kitchen making whole foods is time consuming but so worth it. Even telling my kids no to sugar laden "snacks".

It's happening and I'm so ready!

A.M. / P.M.

The table holds the memories of the morning; breakfast dishes, open poetry book, Bible stacked on our history book, legos.  

                                                             Morning time is done! 

 

Outside holds the memories of our afternoon; flowers budding, hummingbirds, sprinkler on, trampoline, bare feet running, laughter. 

                                                                                                Afternoons of fun! 

Life with Living Books

A few highlights from my day:

I printed out these pages (scroll to the bottom for the print outs) for the kids, hoping it would encourage them to want to read some of the books or maybe even all of them! They took them eagerly looking over the pages of suggested titles and were delighted that they had already read a couple or were in the process of reading one now.
Grace is reading My Side of the Mountain and promptly ran upstairs to continue her much loved book. She will get the joy of checking it off her list and rating it, too, alongside the real joy of getting transplanted into another place and time, caught up in a story. 

I also printed off a series of 20 questions to ask each child. I started with Zade this morning: Of all the things you are learning, what do you think will be the most useful when you are an adult? He answered with READING. :) 

August perused his pages of suggested books and decided to read Blueberries for Sal and as he read I sat by him on the couch and pretty soon Liam came over and we all laughed and enjoyed the book together.

Our days are made up of many things, but reading is a huge chunk of it. My kids have read more than I did in my entire school career and that is not a stretch of the truth! We choose books that are living.  Whole books, written usually by one person who is passionate about the topic. Books that tell the information through beautiful story telling. It has been such a fun adventure these last few years and I look forward to the many years ahead filled with beautifully crafted books and all the discussions that come with them. 

Balance

There are days when you don't want to do anything but life calls and you must answer. Things you can't get out of even though all you really want to do is lie in bed, curled up, maybe watch a movie, or not.

But you don't. 

You take the next step. 

You mop the floor. 

You kiss your kids. 

You tell your husband sorry. 

You get a new plan for the kitchen. 

You make dinner. 

You smile. 

You breathe deep. 

You can do hard things.

And it feels a whole lot better at the end of the day than if you would have just stayed in bed. Although there are times for that, too. ;)

Today I chose to do the hard thing. To keep moving. To ask forgiveness. To repent.

I cried. A lot. I worked through feelings of frustration, hurt, and anger. I got a lot done and it felt good.

 Thinking on the last couple days. There is a time for leisure and a time to work. Being able to move when life calls you to and knowing when to rest when all the work is done. Balance. It's the best way to live.

Habits

 

For exactly 17 months I had no internet in my home. At first I was livid, astonished! Then I learned to actually enjoy it. I even had thoughts of never getting internet even when it became available. Ha! 

We have had internet for a few months now. It has sucked me right in with all it's charm and interesting sites.

I have a love/hate relationship with it. Maybe you can relate.

You see, I desire to be a woman who is a life long learner. I want to read the great books! I want to draw! Paint! Read poetry! Know things! UNDERSTAND things!

I have lost some of that vision. I remember a few years ago envisioning who I was going to be down the road. A strong, learned, grace filled woman. A woman who speaks softly. (If you're going to dream, go big!)  I want to have the strength to be that woman. I want to create habits in my life that help me become her and not have habits that distract and lead me in other directions.

I have been going to bed frustrated lately because I know I didn't use my time wisely. I got distracted. I was lazy. Justified my ways.

When I wake I pray for a good day. A day of greatness. A day filled with more of Jesus and less of me. More truth, goodness and beauty. Less of the meaningless, unimportant and quite honestly, ugly.

Today has been wonderful. I created beauty out of chaos by decorating for a women's brunch. I came home to light a candle, brew some coffee, and read. I have thought good thoughts. Repented of the bad.

I have vision again. I pray for the strength, balance and grace that will be needed to succeed. To be the woman I want to be. I pray for good habits. To say no to what I know will not produce life. To say yes, I can do hard things.

     "Every habit has its beginning. The beginning is the idea 

which comes with a stir and

 takes possession of us. "

Charlotte Mason

I am "stirred" to take hold of my choices and start making better habits. 

Lord, help me.