Incredibly Loud

There are moments when, all of a sudden, or maybe it has been working it's way to a pinnacle and I was ignoring the signs, my mind needs to shut down. Not just sleep, but rest. I could feel it last night when I had to go to bed RIGHT NOW. But then, what did I do? I watched 3 (THREE!) episodes of a show. Now, I love the show and it was enjoyable to watch, but what I really needed was rest.

So, this morning I tried to get up earlier than normal so I could have some time to myself and get things done. By the time it came around to getting into the car to head to church, I could feel myself falling apart. I wanted to cry. My daughter asked me to braid her hair and it was hard. It shouldn't have been hard. I felt ashamed and guilty. Why couldn't I just pull it together? Should I go to church and struggle through the whole service or stay home and have quiet time. There was a war going on in my head and I just couldn't find the balance.

I talked with Micheal and ended up feeling like I needed to stay home. He completely supported me and loaded up the kids for church by himself.

As I took the garbage out and was trying decide on what to do for the next few hours the Lord whispered, "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ."

I knew it was in Romans and quickly opened my Bible and read chapter 8.

The sighs escaped out of my weary self, the tears dripped down, the God's peace filled me up.

This has been a very busy summer. I wanted to have fun with my kids! I wanted to make great memories and DO things. But I lost my balance.

As I was reading in Romans and - oh, my lands, what an amazing book! - I was reminded that I am weak without God's Spirit inside of me. Romans 8 talks a whole lot about His Spirit and as a Christian I am in Christ and His Spirit is in me. The peace that comes from reading those words and being able to somehow - BY HIS SPIRIT! - accept those words of truth into my life is the best feeling in the entire world.

I was reassured of His love for me. His presence in my life. His Spirit guiding my every decision. I was filled again with the Spirit of life and love and joy and truth. I had my touchstone again. Balance. You know when you feel all dizzy when you stand up sometimes and you find something strong and secure to hold on to. Yeah, that is Christ for me. He holds me up and while doing so, the fog clears, the blurry vision is turned clear and I feel strong again.

Today I struggled to make the right choice. I didn't want to let people down. My son was playing the drum with his Daddy for worship for the first time and I wanted to be there to support him and enjoy that time together. I wanted to fellowship with other believers who I haven't seen in a couple of weeks. To be an encouragement to them and listen to their stories. I wanted to soak in the Word together.
In the end, and at first I was feeling selfish for the decision, I stayed home. I rested in Jesus. I prayed like I haven't prayed in a long time. I relished in God's love and forgiveness. I sought the quiet and He met with me.

In a world that is incredibly loud, I need to make space and time to rest quietly.

Lord, help me.

To be known and loved

Listened to a Timothy Keller podcast this morning. [Rise] Public Faith. It's about the woman at the well and how Jesus spoke to her, knew her, and still loved her, infallibly, endlessly. He does the same for me and all of you.

It's a challenging look at how Jesus loves the world, and as a follower of Him, how I love. It left me feeling convicted and wanting to encounter more of Jesus. Reminded me of His unending grace. Pointed me in the direction of relationships that I have failed and inspired me to succeed in the future.

Trial & Error & The Impressionable Young Mind

I'm so thankful for a good friend who I can have good conversations with.

This last week we sat under the warm sun on freshly painted chairs and talked about relationships, school, birds, God, frustrations, joys and books. 

My ten year old was playing outside and would swing by us to listen in. Do you remember doing that when you were young?! I can remember those months as I was still just a kid but curious about what all the adults were talking about. I don't remember anything specific after all these years, but it was interesting at the time.

So, we were there, discussing books. Which ones to read or not to read. Which ones we were challenged by or absolutely loved. I spoke about wanting to instill a love of reading into my kids but not knowing how exactly to do that. They have to read everyday but sometimes instead of getting caught up in a story, they just keep checking the time until they can be done. I try to give them beautiful, living books but want them to pick up something that they are excited and curious about so they will enjoy it. Even though a couple of them say they love reading, they will almost always choose something else to fill their time.

I am just at a loss of what to do.

Maybe they don't have to love it right now. Maybe they just put the time in and get surprised they actually enjoyed reading. Maybe they will love it later in life, like their mama, when they have questions that need to be answered and curiosities that need explored.

Anyhow, my ten year old was there listening in. He didn't say much. I didn't change what I was saying because he was there. But I wasn't really talking *to him either.

Today he told me he didn't want to read his current book anymore. His own words were, "I don't think God wants me to read this, Mom."
"Okay. So why not." I asked. (He has been reading The Hunger Games, because his sister just finished it.)
"It makes me think things I don't want to think. Things I'm not okay about."

We had a great conversation about listening to the Holy Spirit, how we won't/don't always agree with what we read but we can still learn from it, how it can in fact teach us how not to live,  how we need to look to the redeeming characters to emulate, and how if you really don't like it, you can put it down. 

My son has a very sensitive heart. But he also thinks very logically and analytical. I wasn't sure if it was such a great idea to let him read the book, but I trust him. And he ended up doing what he needed to do. For him, he needed to put it down and read something else right now. He may read it later in life. He may never finish. Who knows at this point.

But what I found interesting was that he asked for a book that was "wholesome", "good", and just "fun".

He had heard me say those very words the other day when I was talking with my friend.

For our school, we really do try to read the good, true and beautiful. I think their favorite read alouds have been the Ralph Moody books.

He tried a book out.  It turned out for him, it was an error. As a mama, I am fairly protective of what my kids are apart of and what they are reading, listening to, watching. I don't always make the best choice but I try to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit's leading. In this case, like I mentioned before, I trusted that he would know as he got into if it was for him or not. I'm not too hung up on the decision for the fact that it has given me huge insight with my son and what he loves and wants to be about and what he struggles with and doesn't like.

It was a good lesson learned.

He has requested books about presidents and inventors! He read a book about George Washington last year and it has kept with him. Trial and error has showed him more of what he likes and he is better off for it.

And because we just read Fables today, I will wrap this up with a "moral."

Don't be afraid of making mistakes. You can learn a great deal from them.

Also, we are all impressionable.

Holy Spirit, talk...... I'm listening

When God puts something on your heart to do, you better believe He is going to provide a way for it to happen. 

It's been a great winter here in the mountains, but as with any winter, it gets long. And we do live in the mountains, somewhat secluded from others. Sure we have neighbors, but most of them don't live here all year. 

And we home school, which means we are HOME most days. ;) 

So, as 2015 was ending and a new year beginning, I felt God whisper, "Community."

 "Okaaaay." 

Sunday comes along. I sit in church and hear a lovely friend talk about the need for help in the Good News Club she leads. She approaches afterward. I know where this is going. I say, "Yes." 

Now the kids are in basketball and we have committed to GNC and I think all is well. Well, it is going well. I am being stretched but enjoying it. We are getting all the things done and feeling pretty excited about it all. 

Cue Monday morning phone call. 

Tuesday's piano lessons are canceled. No problem. We can make them up.

Cue another phone call. 

Tuesday's story time at the library needs someone to lead it. 
  
 "Hmmm. I get it Lord." I say, "Yes," again. 

So, there you have it. Listen to those whispers. It is the Lord fulfilling something and it's pretty fun to be apart of!