Loaded down with blessings

Life is a whirlwind right now. In the past, I would have freaked out by now. TOO BUSY! MUST STOP! JUST CAN'T DO ANYMORE! But somehow at  the end of each day, I turn to Micheal and say something along the lines of, "I can't believe I'm still going." School takes a large chunk of our day, and cleaning up afterwards. Meals are constant along with the driving to and fro for sports practices and games. Trips have been planned and gone on. Relationships are being formed and deepened. 

It's all absolutely great. I love my life. I love this stage. I love the crazy. 

I have not always been able to say that and maybe I won't be singing this same tune in 3 months time.
 But for now, I will enjoy the ride and choose joy and thankfulness. 

You see, I have loved my time at home. The quiet of our days. The beautiful and steady routine. It's been a most lovely 12 years. Yes, we have done plenty in those years. Lots of activities and running amok, but this is a different season. I realize I am entering into a new span of time. A time of going, exploring and being out in our community. Things are opening up for me personally and us as a family that we have never been apart of in the past. And it's FUN!

Also, we have now been at our current residence for 2 years. We are settled. It feels like home. Oh, dulce domum, such a wonderful place. 

We have friends and with that comes some of life's most terrific blessings:
                   Laughter! 
                           Dinners! 
                                   Encouragement! 
                                           Tears! 
                                                        Conversations full of challenging and sweet words. 
                                               
I realized a couple of months ago that I have a fear of people. I don't really know how that fear got there but now that it has been shown to me, I have the power to deal with it. I am a very transparent person but with people you can get hurt, so there is a vulnerability with relationships that is terrifying. I have been going back and forth with myself and God and a couple close friends about these issues. I have been working out what exactly to do about these feelings. I have been challenged to step out and be a friend. A good friend. The kind of friend that I want. It's tough sometimes! I am such a homebody, I could be home all the time and be happy. But really, when I'm honest with myself, being a part of my community in the small ways I am right now give me great joy also. I am becoming more and more comfortable out in the great, small place I call home. I am not allowing myself to go over and over the stupid things I say when in groups. Really, I am getting over myself and seeing the gold in others. 

You know what I am finding? 

There's a lot of gold. 

I'm rich and loaded down with blessings.

Incredibly Loud

There are moments when, all of a sudden, or maybe it has been working it's way to a pinnacle and I was ignoring the signs, my mind needs to shut down. Not just sleep, but rest. I could feel it last night when I had to go to bed RIGHT NOW. But then, what did I do? I watched 3 (THREE!) episodes of a show. Now, I love the show and it was enjoyable to watch, but what I really needed was rest.

So, this morning I tried to get up earlier than normal so I could have some time to myself and get things done. By the time it came around to getting into the car to head to church, I could feel myself falling apart. I wanted to cry. My daughter asked me to braid her hair and it was hard. It shouldn't have been hard. I felt ashamed and guilty. Why couldn't I just pull it together? Should I go to church and struggle through the whole service or stay home and have quiet time. There was a war going on in my head and I just couldn't find the balance.

I talked with Micheal and ended up feeling like I needed to stay home. He completely supported me and loaded up the kids for church by himself.

As I took the garbage out and was trying decide on what to do for the next few hours the Lord whispered, "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ."

I knew it was in Romans and quickly opened my Bible and read chapter 8.

The sighs escaped out of my weary self, the tears dripped down, the God's peace filled me up.

This has been a very busy summer. I wanted to have fun with my kids! I wanted to make great memories and DO things. But I lost my balance.

As I was reading in Romans and - oh, my lands, what an amazing book! - I was reminded that I am weak without God's Spirit inside of me. Romans 8 talks a whole lot about His Spirit and as a Christian I am in Christ and His Spirit is in me. The peace that comes from reading those words and being able to somehow - BY HIS SPIRIT! - accept those words of truth into my life is the best feeling in the entire world.

I was reassured of His love for me. His presence in my life. His Spirit guiding my every decision. I was filled again with the Spirit of life and love and joy and truth. I had my touchstone again. Balance. You know when you feel all dizzy when you stand up sometimes and you find something strong and secure to hold on to. Yeah, that is Christ for me. He holds me up and while doing so, the fog clears, the blurry vision is turned clear and I feel strong again.

Today I struggled to make the right choice. I didn't want to let people down. My son was playing the drum with his Daddy for worship for the first time and I wanted to be there to support him and enjoy that time together. I wanted to fellowship with other believers who I haven't seen in a couple of weeks. To be an encouragement to them and listen to their stories. I wanted to soak in the Word together.
In the end, and at first I was feeling selfish for the decision, I stayed home. I rested in Jesus. I prayed like I haven't prayed in a long time. I relished in God's love and forgiveness. I sought the quiet and He met with me.

In a world that is incredibly loud, I need to make space and time to rest quietly.

Lord, help me.

Almost School Time

We got home on Tuesday evening from visiting the coast. It was a very needed time with family and oh, so fun to be at the beach!

Micheal had done a concrete job for a neighbor so we all got to sleep in the next day. He wasn't working his normal job. What a treat!

Then we all got to work. August helped his Daddy outside in the 95 degree heat and the other kids did some reading, cleaning inside, and helped at the end of the day with picking up the tools and scraps and whatnot. They also painted the trim pieces for outside.

I have been planning for school. I did a lot of the work earlier this summer but with most of the books in - just one more!- I now have a better idea of which ones we will get to together and which ones will be free reading and which ones I can only hope to get to. ;)

I have our Morning Time pages printed out, our term 1 memorization pages placed in all our binders, and the schedule of what our days will look like.  Morning time we do all together and that includes Bible, poetry, literature, memory work, and lots of discussion. We are breaking up our history and science readings this year. It is going to feel a bit different as we change things up with August doing more and Grace and Zade needing to be in different books, too. We have done SO much together in the past and that just won't work now.

After Morning Time ( don't know why I am capitalizing those words but it just feels right!) we do independent work and then they each will have Mama Time in which I will work with them through their science books and geography. Liam will get pictures books read to him and also time in the kitchen with me.

This year we are studying the Middle Ages and we are all very excited! We turned on Pandora yesterday and designed our front pages for our binders. The kids asked when we start and said they are looking forward to a new year. Music to a mama's ears!

About a month ago I was reading Psalm 90 and it really was encouraging to me. We then read it together in church and it was confirmed to me that verse 17 would be our "verse of the year."

And let the beauty of the LORD our God be upon us,
      And establish the work of our hands for us;
             Yes, establish the work of our hands.     

I am praying for a wonderful year of growth, fun, and understanding. A gaining of knowledge, better habits, and right relationships. I pray for humility, love, and good attitudes!!! 

Lord, bless the work of our hands. Please enlarge our hearts and sharpen our minds. Thank you for your grace and mercy. May we ever be acknowledging You. Amen.  

A.M. / P.M.

The table holds the memories of the morning; breakfast dishes, open poetry book, Bible stacked on our history book, legos.  

                                                             Morning time is done! 

 

Outside holds the memories of our afternoon; flowers budding, hummingbirds, sprinkler on, trampoline, bare feet running, laughter. 

                                                                                                Afternoons of fun! 

Life with Living Books

A few highlights from my day:

I printed out these pages (scroll to the bottom for the print outs) for the kids, hoping it would encourage them to want to read some of the books or maybe even all of them! They took them eagerly looking over the pages of suggested titles and were delighted that they had already read a couple or were in the process of reading one now.
Grace is reading My Side of the Mountain and promptly ran upstairs to continue her much loved book. She will get the joy of checking it off her list and rating it, too, alongside the real joy of getting transplanted into another place and time, caught up in a story. 

I also printed off a series of 20 questions to ask each child. I started with Zade this morning: Of all the things you are learning, what do you think will be the most useful when you are an adult? He answered with READING. :) 

August perused his pages of suggested books and decided to read Blueberries for Sal and as he read I sat by him on the couch and pretty soon Liam came over and we all laughed and enjoyed the book together.

Our days are made up of many things, but reading is a huge chunk of it. My kids have read more than I did in my entire school career and that is not a stretch of the truth! We choose books that are living.  Whole books, written usually by one person who is passionate about the topic. Books that tell the information through beautiful story telling. It has been such a fun adventure these last few years and I look forward to the many years ahead filled with beautifully crafted books and all the discussions that come with them. 

Balance

There are days when you don't want to do anything but life calls and you must answer. Things you can't get out of even though all you really want to do is lie in bed, curled up, maybe watch a movie, or not.

But you don't. 

You take the next step. 

You mop the floor. 

You kiss your kids. 

You tell your husband sorry. 

You get a new plan for the kitchen. 

You make dinner. 

You smile. 

You breathe deep. 

You can do hard things.

And it feels a whole lot better at the end of the day than if you would have just stayed in bed. Although there are times for that, too. ;)

Today I chose to do the hard thing. To keep moving. To ask forgiveness. To repent.

I cried. A lot. I worked through feelings of frustration, hurt, and anger. I got a lot done and it felt good.

 Thinking on the last couple days. There is a time for leisure and a time to work. Being able to move when life calls you to and knowing when to rest when all the work is done. Balance. It's the best way to live.

Not a Fail

This may surprise you, but I see myself as more of an "indoorsy" girl. When I started to learn more about Nature Study, through the Charlotte Mason philosophy of education, I was challenged. But also inspired. 

 We live in a beautiful place. We are surrounded by nature. We literally can open our front door and be on our merry way to seeing, observing, hearing, and feeling all sorts of lovely plants and animals. But really, just about anyone can. 

This morning we woke up late -not surprising!- and my sweet niece was all ready for her first nap. Instead of trying to make all the rest of the kids be quiet, we quickly got our shoes and jackets on and plodded down the road. 

It was slow goings. The little one didn't want to walk. Two others were on bikes and the other two were in their own world playing a game they made up. 

 We weren't observing. 

We weren't listening to the birds. 

We didn't stop and wonder.

One of the kids on a bike rode home by herself. My one pointed question was, "How many earthworms can you find?" They looked for maybe one half of a minute and were then sucked back into their own game. 

BUT, we were outside! We were in nature! We might not have consciously noticed any minute detail, but we weren't inside with our faces zoned in on a screen. And for that I say, "We did not fail." 

This whole nature study thing is becoming a habit. It's getting us in a different atmosphere and changing the rhythm of our lives, and what my brain is thinking about. It's not always idyllic, with us drawing or figuring out the Latin name for lichen, but it is idyllic in the sense of it becoming more of what makes up our days and how it is forming our thoughts of creation and the world we live in. 

I am thankful for nature study. I am thankful for the beauty that this Earth is made of. I am thankful that my kids are still young and we can do this together. 

Remember (mostly talking to myself ;) ), it doesn't have to be perfect to be able to be enjoyed. Taking steps, DOING, is so rewarding. 

Nature walks

Our side of the mountain is soggy, heavy, wet. 

The rivulets race down the hill. Who will win? 

Little feet jump the puddles. Over and in. 

Mud is caked on the soles and tires, ready 

to be washed off by the steady rain pouring 

down, down, down. 

 

As my 3 year old's narrative is shared with the hundreds of birds, mine is internal. 

"How has homeschooling shaped who I am?"

"Would I be interested in all this if not for homeschooling?"

"I am embracing my PNW side, here, walking in the rain."

"Look at that floating mountain!"

...........

 Spring in almost upon us! We are outside more and more. There is so much to explore right outside our front door. We don't always investigate what is what. Mostly we walk and jump, stop and look, talk and show. Then we head home. 

This weekend the big kids went with their Dad on a little road trip to see family. Liam and I weren't feeling quite up to it, so we stayed home. We took walks, watched movies, read books, swam and snuggled. It was lovely. It was quiet. It was just what we needed.

In the last few weeks we have been walking more. At first the little lovers would whine and cry, and ask to be carried barely into the walk. We kept telling him no. We took our time. We aren't running races. ;) This weekend, we took three walks. Once we walked 3/4 of a mile to the pool, swam, and walked home. He didn't whine once! He explored. Poked mud. Ran! It's been so, so lovely. I'm not the type to strap my baby on me and hike so this has been a long time coming. 

Now, we rest. He will sleep well tonight!

This week

Outside this week. 

In nature. 

Walks. 

Cleaning the front room. 

Kids making a house. :) 

Jumping in melting snow puddles. 

Finding lichen and realizing it's not moss. 

Finding more lichen! 

Drawing lichen. 

And pine cones. Those are hard! 

Reading Why I Wake Early by Mary Oliver.

Thoroughly enjoying those poems. 

Daughter entering art into an exhibit for kids. 

Selling one of her pieces. 

Playing basketball. 

Piano lessons. 

Cabinet maker came to measure kitchen. 

Cooking dinner with husband while listening to French cafe station on pandora. 

Drinking tea with honey. 

Nap on Sunday afternoon. 

These are the things I am thankful for this week. 

I count them and remember. 

I am humbled by this life filled with such things. 

I am happy. 

No, I am more than that. 

Content. 

Joy overflowing. 

 

Behold & Engage

What I have learned in life is that you can become opened to an idea and take a wee little bit from it. Then as you go along, you might find it keeps popping up and you get the joy of acquiring more from that topic, like a building snowball rolling down a mountain. Or as I like to think of it,  connecting dots and creating constellations in your brain.

You don't start off with too many dots and therefore aren't seeing too many pictures, or constellations. Maybe things don't make sense. But after awhile you find you have a few stored away and they just keep growing. I mean, COME ON! I am with a 3 year old day in and day out and am constantly amazed at what he knows! He's got a lot connected up in that brain of his, but he has got a lot more to learn! As do I.

So, when I had the words Behold & Engage a couple years ago for my New Year's theme, I posted it in my house and I walked past it every day. Sometimes I thought about those words and what to do with them, but most of the time I didn't think much on them.

Until, this year!

Funny how they were flung back into my brain. Actually I found the poster I made in our shed the other day, and then I came across this article. The wheels were turning.

Behold........... the Lamb of God.
Who is the Lamb of God?
What did He do?
Why did He do it?
How did things go for Him? How did people respond? How's could go on and on...


Engage.......... in what God engages in.
Be about His business.
 Love what He loves. Hate what He hates. Look to Him as my example.

Then go engage in the world where He has placed me. And repeat as well as I can, by the grace He so willingly gives. 

Behold & Engage has grown to mean more to me than it did two years ago.  I understand it more because I have spent more time with those words, contemplating what they mean and what to do with them.

More dots have been connected. I see more pictures. I am reminded I have far to go, but have come a long way, also.

I humbly behold and humbly engage. Any other way and it won't be like Christ. It won't get the desired results, which is love and relationship. Let's be honest here; I struggle. I'm a sinner saved by grace that is still being saved and sanctified daily. I don't always get it right. I'm sorry for that. But I (we!) must keep going.

So, in a nutshell, I behold Christ by spending time with Him, reading His holy scriptures, praying, asking, repenting, praising. 

Then I engage with the world around me every morning when I wake up and see happy little people excitedly sharing their dreams and thoughts, and every time I go to the store for yet another bunch of bananas. And even at church with fellow believers.   You get the idea.

I must be careful what I behold because it will effect the way I engage. Filling my mind with Truth, Beauty, and Goodness, will shape my thoughts in a way that I can share Truth, Beauty, and Goodness. 

And vice versa with Lies, Ugliness, and Harshness.  

May we all choose rightly, what and how, we Behold & Engage. 

The balance of it all

Our mountain has been feeling quite Springy this week. It has been sunny for awhile now but the sun actually felt warm on my back yesterday! We are all ready for a change. Feeling pretty blessed to live in a place that has four seasons. Right when you are feeling "over it", in comes the new to refresh us. 

The kids had spring fever this week and so when it came to school, it was a lot of reminding to keep to the task at hand. We kept it short with a good morning time together, math, piano, and one day of Latin. I really would like to do more Latin but you really can only do so much before you are stressed and life just doesn't work so well when stressed. 

Which brings me to my cleaning projects! 

Our cabin is twice as big as it was last year, but still smaller than most homes. We have no closets, not enough bookshelves or dressers, a tiny sink, no dishwasher. I could go on but you get the idea; it's a bit tight here and we don't have all the conveniences that we had been used to. Waa. Waa. Waa. :) Not really. 

I have been really content. I have been really humbled, too. 

I have run the gambit on how I feel about my home at it's current state, "I love our little cabin in the woods!", "What the heck were we thinking to buy this tiny space?", "No, all it needs is to be cleaned and freshened up.", "Let's try minimalism in this home.", "Minimalism as a home schooling family of 6 just doesn't work for me.", etc. 

So, here we are with one closet now, winter is wrapping up, our bodies want to be moving and out and about. I wrapped the kids' school day up on Wednesday and headed upstairs. To the boys' room. They were outside or reading and had no idea what I was up to. So I began. Two bags of garbage, one pile for garage sale, and one pile to put in the shed. By this time they were all up there wondering what was going on and decided excitedly to join me. We rearranged their beds, swept everything, made a hammock for their stuffed animals, and rehung Z's apartment pictures. He loves having his own space filled with pictures of family and friends, posters, shelves, and other random tidbits 10 year old's enjoy. 

They had no complaints about what we threw away or put in the pile to sell which was so nice and confirmed my thoughts of, "Most of this stuff is useless to them!"  

Z even said to me, "Mom, I don't always like to clean but when I do I like to clean it all." Sounded like a meme to me! 

So the boys' room is feeling great and no money was involved. Just a freshening up of what was already there. Now have you, we do still need a dresser and maybe one more shelf and I would love to paint it this summer. But that is miniscule compared to what we have done on this house so far and what still needs to be done to the rest of the house.

I moved to the small school area we have and got that organized and cleaned up. 

I moved on further to the front entryway. Now when you walk into our house, you aren't bombarded with an array of things to trip you up. 

Then I looked around at the rest of the house, which had quietly exploded when I wasn't watching! Yikes! 

I slumped. I hunched over and sighed deeply. Then I picked myself up and remembered that I can't do it all. I can't keep up the laundry, the schooling, the dinners, the relationships, the schedules, all of it, at the same time. But that's okay.

There are weeks like this when a lot of cleaning is on the list. Or seasons where we eat simply, and get a great amount of school and reading in. There are other times when we are out and about in our community playing and connecting with our people. 

And in life it balances out. We have a fairly clean house. We eat decently. We do school consistently four days and randomly throw another day in there for good measure. We hang out with friends and family regularly. 

It's a blessed life. It's a busy life. A get to life. And I am grateful. 

I write this to remind myself of the balance and the effort. It's not always balanced, but I try. The effort really does count.