Loaded down with blessings

Life is a whirlwind right now. In the past, I would have freaked out by now. TOO BUSY! MUST STOP! JUST CAN'T DO ANYMORE! But somehow at  the end of each day, I turn to Micheal and say something along the lines of, "I can't believe I'm still going." School takes a large chunk of our day, and cleaning up afterwards. Meals are constant along with the driving to and fro for sports practices and games. Trips have been planned and gone on. Relationships are being formed and deepened. 

It's all absolutely great. I love my life. I love this stage. I love the crazy. 

I have not always been able to say that and maybe I won't be singing this same tune in 3 months time.
 But for now, I will enjoy the ride and choose joy and thankfulness. 

You see, I have loved my time at home. The quiet of our days. The beautiful and steady routine. It's been a most lovely 12 years. Yes, we have done plenty in those years. Lots of activities and running amok, but this is a different season. I realize I am entering into a new span of time. A time of going, exploring and being out in our community. Things are opening up for me personally and us as a family that we have never been apart of in the past. And it's FUN!

Also, we have now been at our current residence for 2 years. We are settled. It feels like home. Oh, dulce domum, such a wonderful place. 

We have friends and with that comes some of life's most terrific blessings:
                   Laughter! 
                           Dinners! 
                                   Encouragement! 
                                           Tears! 
                                                        Conversations full of challenging and sweet words. 
                                               
I realized a couple of months ago that I have a fear of people. I don't really know how that fear got there but now that it has been shown to me, I have the power to deal with it. I am a very transparent person but with people you can get hurt, so there is a vulnerability with relationships that is terrifying. I have been going back and forth with myself and God and a couple close friends about these issues. I have been working out what exactly to do about these feelings. I have been challenged to step out and be a friend. A good friend. The kind of friend that I want. It's tough sometimes! I am such a homebody, I could be home all the time and be happy. But really, when I'm honest with myself, being a part of my community in the small ways I am right now give me great joy also. I am becoming more and more comfortable out in the great, small place I call home. I am not allowing myself to go over and over the stupid things I say when in groups. Really, I am getting over myself and seeing the gold in others. 

You know what I am finding? 

There's a lot of gold. 

I'm rich and loaded down with blessings.

Almost School Time

We got home on Tuesday evening from visiting the coast. It was a very needed time with family and oh, so fun to be at the beach!

Micheal had done a concrete job for a neighbor so we all got to sleep in the next day. He wasn't working his normal job. What a treat!

Then we all got to work. August helped his Daddy outside in the 95 degree heat and the other kids did some reading, cleaning inside, and helped at the end of the day with picking up the tools and scraps and whatnot. They also painted the trim pieces for outside.

I have been planning for school. I did a lot of the work earlier this summer but with most of the books in - just one more!- I now have a better idea of which ones we will get to together and which ones will be free reading and which ones I can only hope to get to. ;)

I have our Morning Time pages printed out, our term 1 memorization pages placed in all our binders, and the schedule of what our days will look like.  Morning time we do all together and that includes Bible, poetry, literature, memory work, and lots of discussion. We are breaking up our history and science readings this year. It is going to feel a bit different as we change things up with August doing more and Grace and Zade needing to be in different books, too. We have done SO much together in the past and that just won't work now.

After Morning Time ( don't know why I am capitalizing those words but it just feels right!) we do independent work and then they each will have Mama Time in which I will work with them through their science books and geography. Liam will get pictures books read to him and also time in the kitchen with me.

This year we are studying the Middle Ages and we are all very excited! We turned on Pandora yesterday and designed our front pages for our binders. The kids asked when we start and said they are looking forward to a new year. Music to a mama's ears!

About a month ago I was reading Psalm 90 and it really was encouraging to me. We then read it together in church and it was confirmed to me that verse 17 would be our "verse of the year."

And let the beauty of the LORD our God be upon us,
      And establish the work of our hands for us;
             Yes, establish the work of our hands.     

I am praying for a wonderful year of growth, fun, and understanding. A gaining of knowledge, better habits, and right relationships. I pray for humility, love, and good attitudes!!! 

Lord, bless the work of our hands. Please enlarge our hearts and sharpen our minds. Thank you for your grace and mercy. May we ever be acknowledging You. Amen.  

40 Pines

I awake to a crackling fire. The good kind; contained in a metal ring. Husband is up early. 

Coffee is on. 

I open my eyes to sun streaming through 

onto my son's perfect, smooth, young skin. 

His hair is more blond than usual. 

The big kids rustle out to join their father, excited for the day. 

What will it behold? 

 Bathing in hot mineral water, climbing rocks, 

panning for gold, 

fishing, eating, reading stories. 

Mama and Dad take their turns in the hammock, counting the tall pines - 40 - surrounding them, while the kids run and ride. 

This weekend we celebrate life, specifically the life of our 12 year old first born and only daughter. 

We camp to commemorate the keeping of time. 

How long since the last trip? 

Almost four years, right before the birth of another sweet life, our third son, last child. 

A breeze flows through, chasing away the heat. I hear robins and some unknown insect chirping about the beauty of the day.

I hear the river skipping down, down, down. 

I smell nothing but the fresh mountain air. 

This is the perfect Summer day. 

To be known and loved

Listened to a Timothy Keller podcast this morning. [Rise] Public Faith. It's about the woman at the well and how Jesus spoke to her, knew her, and still loved her, infallibly, endlessly. He does the same for me and all of you.

It's a challenging look at how Jesus loves the world, and as a follower of Him, how I love. It left me feeling convicted and wanting to encounter more of Jesus. Reminded me of His unending grace. Pointed me in the direction of relationships that I have failed and inspired me to succeed in the future.

We all

Last night. Wow. Can't believe I stayed up until, well, this morning; 3:30.

Had the most amazing conversation with my cousin, best friend and childhood playmate.

We haven't been in touch for years. Actually we were 10 when we last hung out and we are in our 30's now.  If it wasn't for him and his amazing communication skills and huge heart, we probably still wouldn't be talking. I'm terrible in that way.

But he did take the time to connect and I'm so thankful.

As children we were inseparable, playing all summer long in the trees, catching frogs, and the general running amok that kids do. We shared some stories with my own kids last night. Some I hold dear to my heart and some I had forgotten about. My cousin has an amazing memory!

We shared the joys of growing up together, then when the littles had gone to bed we got down to the harder issues. Things we have wanted to talk about for ages, but have not had the chance to, until now.

We all carry burdens. All of us have gone through terrible and beautiful things. Sometimes the terrible are harder to figure out. What exactly did happen? Why? How did you get through it all? Where were you?

We were inseparable for years and then at 10 years old, we no longer saw each other. All of a sudden we were ripped apart and our lives took two very different directions. As a child you just roll with it, not really understanding everything, but going where the adults in your lives place you. We were only a town away but I never saw him. My life was then consumed with basketball, a new best friend, and lots of time with my sister. I honestly never even thought of how his life was and as he shared his story with me last night, I was so ashamed of my shallowness, my lack of thought toward him, my forgetting.

In short I had never thought of his side of the story. I was just whisked away and that was that.
Meanwhile, he was in his own home, dealing with even more darkness, sadness and confusion.

I'm not going to go into mass details for his sake and all of ours for that matter but my heart is heavy at the thought of the burdens we all carry. The things that happen to us and are flung on us or taken away in confusion, and we must all figure out how to deal  and keep going on.

Decisions matter. They do not only affect yourself. Decisions affect all of those around you and most likely a generation after, possibly more.

Sin hurts. But God heals.

I don't think much about what happened all those years ago. I don't dwell on it or feel like it defines me in any way. I truly feel healed from it all. My story is not the same as others though. Some still are reeling from the pain, figuring out how to move on, how to forgive, or maybe just swallowed up by the choices of others and deciding to join in. I have Jesus in my life who has healed me, given me peace and washed all the hurt away as only He can.

But having such a beautiful and heart felt talk with my sweet and strong cousin has made me see things differently and more clearly, which has allowed more healing, more understanding and more love to come into our lives.

I'm so thankful for the gift of humility, love and care that my cousin is to those around him. He truly is an amazing man! I am blessed to have him as a friend again.

God is teaching me sympathy right now. He is showing me things that I couldn't see in the past but are so clear now. He is softening my heart, molding it to look more like His.

I'm so thankful for the people God uses to help me on my journey and I sure hope to be a help to others as well.

In short: be humble, love much, and go the extra mile to connect with someone. You won't regret it. Be the healing balm to someone's life if you can. That's a good choice and we need more of those in this world.

We all carry burdens. We all can love. We all can make this world beautiful.

Choose rightly. It matters.

I have been listening to a lot of Jon Foreman.  He says things better than me.

A.M. / P.M.

The table holds the memories of the morning; breakfast dishes, open poetry book, Bible stacked on our history book, legos.  

                                                             Morning time is done! 

 

Outside holds the memories of our afternoon; flowers budding, hummingbirds, sprinkler on, trampoline, bare feet running, laughter. 

                                                                                                Afternoons of fun! 

Trial & Error & The Impressionable Young Mind

I'm so thankful for a good friend who I can have good conversations with.

This last week we sat under the warm sun on freshly painted chairs and talked about relationships, school, birds, God, frustrations, joys and books. 

My ten year old was playing outside and would swing by us to listen in. Do you remember doing that when you were young?! I can remember those months as I was still just a kid but curious about what all the adults were talking about. I don't remember anything specific after all these years, but it was interesting at the time.

So, we were there, discussing books. Which ones to read or not to read. Which ones we were challenged by or absolutely loved. I spoke about wanting to instill a love of reading into my kids but not knowing how exactly to do that. They have to read everyday but sometimes instead of getting caught up in a story, they just keep checking the time until they can be done. I try to give them beautiful, living books but want them to pick up something that they are excited and curious about so they will enjoy it. Even though a couple of them say they love reading, they will almost always choose something else to fill their time.

I am just at a loss of what to do.

Maybe they don't have to love it right now. Maybe they just put the time in and get surprised they actually enjoyed reading. Maybe they will love it later in life, like their mama, when they have questions that need to be answered and curiosities that need explored.

Anyhow, my ten year old was there listening in. He didn't say much. I didn't change what I was saying because he was there. But I wasn't really talking *to him either.

Today he told me he didn't want to read his current book anymore. His own words were, "I don't think God wants me to read this, Mom."
"Okay. So why not." I asked. (He has been reading The Hunger Games, because his sister just finished it.)
"It makes me think things I don't want to think. Things I'm not okay about."

We had a great conversation about listening to the Holy Spirit, how we won't/don't always agree with what we read but we can still learn from it, how it can in fact teach us how not to live,  how we need to look to the redeeming characters to emulate, and how if you really don't like it, you can put it down. 

My son has a very sensitive heart. But he also thinks very logically and analytical. I wasn't sure if it was such a great idea to let him read the book, but I trust him. And he ended up doing what he needed to do. For him, he needed to put it down and read something else right now. He may read it later in life. He may never finish. Who knows at this point.

But what I found interesting was that he asked for a book that was "wholesome", "good", and just "fun".

He had heard me say those very words the other day when I was talking with my friend.

For our school, we really do try to read the good, true and beautiful. I think their favorite read alouds have been the Ralph Moody books.

He tried a book out.  It turned out for him, it was an error. As a mama, I am fairly protective of what my kids are apart of and what they are reading, listening to, watching. I don't always make the best choice but I try to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit's leading. In this case, like I mentioned before, I trusted that he would know as he got into if it was for him or not. I'm not too hung up on the decision for the fact that it has given me huge insight with my son and what he loves and wants to be about and what he struggles with and doesn't like.

It was a good lesson learned.

He has requested books about presidents and inventors! He read a book about George Washington last year and it has kept with him. Trial and error has showed him more of what he likes and he is better off for it.

And because we just read Fables today, I will wrap this up with a "moral."

Don't be afraid of making mistakes. You can learn a great deal from them.

Also, we are all impressionable.

Beauty

She had come into her beauty. 

This was not the beauty of her youth and freshness, of which she had had a plenty. 

The beauty that I am speaking of now was that of a woman

 who has come into knowledge and into strength and who, knowing her hardships, trusts her strength and goes about her work even with a kind of happiness, serene somehow, and secure.

 It was the beauty she would always have. 

Her eyes had not changed. They still seemed to exert a power, as if whatever she

 looked at (including, I thought, me) was brightened. 

-  Wendell Berry

It has been a week of contemplating, "What is beauty?"

I read this last night and was so inspired by it. Words put together, like that quote, imputes beauty into this world and when read or spoken, can fill up it's reader or hearer and spur them in the direction of wanting to live up to those words. Can it be obtained, this beauty? Well, I sure know a few women like the woman spoken of by Mr. Berry. 

How, you might ask. 

God's grace. The ultimate beauty of beauties!

Teaching

Today our Latin phrase was:

docendo disco scribendo cognito.

It means, I learn by teaching, think by writing. 

We talked about how we must really know and understand something to be able to teach it to others. Also, how writing can help us get our thoughts and ideas out and properly organized. How writing can actually help us think. 

I had the kids each teach the rest of us how to do something. 

G showed us how to wrap a present. 

Z taught us how to connect the Wii to the T.V.

A's presentation was on how to make a fruit platter. 

It was fun to see what they chose to teach! 

It was good for me to keep my mouth closed and let them do the talking! 

They each did a great job keeping the right sequence of events. They "did" while they taught so it was probably easier than if they were just thinking through the steps. They spoke clearly, made precise movements and rarely looked anyone in the eye! ;) 

They were each very enthusiastic in wanting to share their presentation. I think there is something in all of us that desires to share and talk about something we know and it's important to be able to get the opportunity to do so. It's also important to be able to share exact words you are thinking. I know I have struggled with finding the right words my whole life! I want to challenge my children to speak clearly and use the right words, taking the time to think about what it is they are trying to communicate with others. Words matter. 

Last year I read a book about C.S. Lewis and found it fantastic that his tutor didn't let him get away with shoddy thoughts spoken wrongly. His tutor would challenge him until Lewis got it right and spoke clearly. I know C.S Lewis was blessed with an amazing mind but look also at what great teaching and an attention to detail produced in him! 

As a homeschooling family we don't have a lot of audience, but I will continue to do more exercises like this one and find ways for them to speak in public, also. 

In the mean time we will continue to teach each other and think by writing. 

Habits

 

For exactly 17 months I had no internet in my home. At first I was livid, astonished! Then I learned to actually enjoy it. I even had thoughts of never getting internet even when it became available. Ha! 

We have had internet for a few months now. It has sucked me right in with all it's charm and interesting sites.

I have a love/hate relationship with it. Maybe you can relate.

You see, I desire to be a woman who is a life long learner. I want to read the great books! I want to draw! Paint! Read poetry! Know things! UNDERSTAND things!

I have lost some of that vision. I remember a few years ago envisioning who I was going to be down the road. A strong, learned, grace filled woman. A woman who speaks softly. (If you're going to dream, go big!)  I want to have the strength to be that woman. I want to create habits in my life that help me become her and not have habits that distract and lead me in other directions.

I have been going to bed frustrated lately because I know I didn't use my time wisely. I got distracted. I was lazy. Justified my ways.

When I wake I pray for a good day. A day of greatness. A day filled with more of Jesus and less of me. More truth, goodness and beauty. Less of the meaningless, unimportant and quite honestly, ugly.

Today has been wonderful. I created beauty out of chaos by decorating for a women's brunch. I came home to light a candle, brew some coffee, and read. I have thought good thoughts. Repented of the bad.

I have vision again. I pray for the strength, balance and grace that will be needed to succeed. To be the woman I want to be. I pray for good habits. To say no to what I know will not produce life. To say yes, I can do hard things.

     "Every habit has its beginning. The beginning is the idea 

which comes with a stir and

 takes possession of us. "

Charlotte Mason

I am "stirred" to take hold of my choices and start making better habits. 

Lord, help me.

Nature study while roadtripping

One of the things we made sure to squeeze into our car for our big road trip was our nature journals and all that we need for nature study. Our small backpack was full!

Nature study and journaling with it is newish for us so as much as I want the kids to do it, I am really just making it more and more of a habit for myself at this point. The kids are doing nature study weekly but not researching what they come across by themselves right now. When we do it together I do the research and let them know what it was that we saw, but more often than not at this point they are observing and drawing only. Most things they know the names of but we will definitely be incorporating more poems, latin names, thoughts, facts, labeling, etc. as we continue this beautiful journal.

I was so excited to take a road trip with our whole family! The last time (two and a half years ago) we drove to my parent's place it was the kids, my Mom and I. We had a great time but it was really nice having Micheal with us this go round.

One of the things I was really looking forward to was seeing such different landscapes, animals, insects, plants. We live in a pine forest on a mountain. We drove through deserts, hills, flat lands, huge mountain ranges, and prairies.

Our first stop was Arches National Park just north of Moab, Utah. Huge red rocks! The softest sand you have ever felt! Rock formations. So different than our back yard. It was lovely! I took pictures and we will draw in our journals from those pictures.

Next we stopped in at Mesa Verde in southwest Colorado. This place is seriously cool! We had more time so we were able to get our journals out. 

There were lots of desert plants like this Yucca.

Oklahoma is where we mostly got in our nature journaling. I was trying to do as much as possible, not only to learn what is there but to work on my drawing skills! 

Lots of great things in this beauty filled world to observe, think on, draw, and learn about. Now we are back in the mountains and Spring is here. Trees and plants blooming all around us. Insects out and blowing into our hair! We have started watercolor lessons, too. Our journals are getting better and better!

Morning kindnesses

I remember the times of old

I meditate on all Your works

I muse on the work of Your hands.

I spread out my hands to You

My soul longs for You like a thirsty land. 

                                           Selah

Cause me to hear Your lovingkindness 

in the morning

For in You do I trust;

Cause me to know the way in which I should walk

For I lift up my soul to You. 

Psalm 143:5,6 & 8

Nature walks

Our side of the mountain is soggy, heavy, wet. 

The rivulets race down the hill. Who will win? 

Little feet jump the puddles. Over and in. 

Mud is caked on the soles and tires, ready 

to be washed off by the steady rain pouring 

down, down, down. 

 

As my 3 year old's narrative is shared with the hundreds of birds, mine is internal. 

"How has homeschooling shaped who I am?"

"Would I be interested in all this if not for homeschooling?"

"I am embracing my PNW side, here, walking in the rain."

"Look at that floating mountain!"

...........

 Spring in almost upon us! We are outside more and more. There is so much to explore right outside our front door. We don't always investigate what is what. Mostly we walk and jump, stop and look, talk and show. Then we head home. 

This weekend the big kids went with their Dad on a little road trip to see family. Liam and I weren't feeling quite up to it, so we stayed home. We took walks, watched movies, read books, swam and snuggled. It was lovely. It was quiet. It was just what we needed.

In the last few weeks we have been walking more. At first the little lovers would whine and cry, and ask to be carried barely into the walk. We kept telling him no. We took our time. We aren't running races. ;) This weekend, we took three walks. Once we walked 3/4 of a mile to the pool, swam, and walked home. He didn't whine once! He explored. Poked mud. Ran! It's been so, so lovely. I'm not the type to strap my baby on me and hike so this has been a long time coming. 

Now, we rest. He will sleep well tonight!

This week

Outside this week. 

In nature. 

Walks. 

Cleaning the front room. 

Kids making a house. :) 

Jumping in melting snow puddles. 

Finding lichen and realizing it's not moss. 

Finding more lichen! 

Drawing lichen. 

And pine cones. Those are hard! 

Reading Why I Wake Early by Mary Oliver.

Thoroughly enjoying those poems. 

Daughter entering art into an exhibit for kids. 

Selling one of her pieces. 

Playing basketball. 

Piano lessons. 

Cabinet maker came to measure kitchen. 

Cooking dinner with husband while listening to French cafe station on pandora. 

Drinking tea with honey. 

Nap on Sunday afternoon. 

These are the things I am thankful for this week. 

I count them and remember. 

I am humbled by this life filled with such things. 

I am happy. 

No, I am more than that. 

Content. 

Joy overflowing. 

 

Behold & Engage

What I have learned in life is that you can become opened to an idea and take a wee little bit from it. Then as you go along, you might find it keeps popping up and you get the joy of acquiring more from that topic, like a building snowball rolling down a mountain. Or as I like to think of it,  connecting dots and creating constellations in your brain.

You don't start off with too many dots and therefore aren't seeing too many pictures, or constellations. Maybe things don't make sense. But after awhile you find you have a few stored away and they just keep growing. I mean, COME ON! I am with a 3 year old day in and day out and am constantly amazed at what he knows! He's got a lot connected up in that brain of his, but he has got a lot more to learn! As do I.

So, when I had the words Behold & Engage a couple years ago for my New Year's theme, I posted it in my house and I walked past it every day. Sometimes I thought about those words and what to do with them, but most of the time I didn't think much on them.

Until, this year!

Funny how they were flung back into my brain. Actually I found the poster I made in our shed the other day, and then I came across this article. The wheels were turning.

Behold........... the Lamb of God.
Who is the Lamb of God?
What did He do?
Why did He do it?
How did things go for Him? How did people respond? How's could go on and on...


Engage.......... in what God engages in.
Be about His business.
 Love what He loves. Hate what He hates. Look to Him as my example.

Then go engage in the world where He has placed me. And repeat as well as I can, by the grace He so willingly gives. 

Behold & Engage has grown to mean more to me than it did two years ago.  I understand it more because I have spent more time with those words, contemplating what they mean and what to do with them.

More dots have been connected. I see more pictures. I am reminded I have far to go, but have come a long way, also.

I humbly behold and humbly engage. Any other way and it won't be like Christ. It won't get the desired results, which is love and relationship. Let's be honest here; I struggle. I'm a sinner saved by grace that is still being saved and sanctified daily. I don't always get it right. I'm sorry for that. But I (we!) must keep going.

So, in a nutshell, I behold Christ by spending time with Him, reading His holy scriptures, praying, asking, repenting, praising. 

Then I engage with the world around me every morning when I wake up and see happy little people excitedly sharing their dreams and thoughts, and every time I go to the store for yet another bunch of bananas. And even at church with fellow believers.   You get the idea.

I must be careful what I behold because it will effect the way I engage. Filling my mind with Truth, Beauty, and Goodness, will shape my thoughts in a way that I can share Truth, Beauty, and Goodness. 

And vice versa with Lies, Ugliness, and Harshness.  

May we all choose rightly, what and how, we Behold & Engage.