Life is a whirlwind right now. In the past, I would have freaked out by now. TOO BUSY! MUST STOP! JUST CAN'T DO ANYMORE! But somehow at the end of each day, I turn to Micheal and say something along the lines of, "I can't believe I'm still going." School takes a large chunk of our day, and cleaning up afterwards. Meals are constant along with the driving to and fro for sports practices and games. Trips have been planned and gone on. Relationships are being formed and deepened.
It's all absolutely great. I love my life. I love this stage. I love the crazy.
I have not always been able to say that and maybe I won't be singing this same tune in 3 months time.
But for now, I will enjoy the ride and choose joy and thankfulness.
You see, I have loved my time at home. The quiet of our days. The beautiful and steady routine. It's been a most lovely 12 years. Yes, we have done plenty in those years. Lots of activities and running amok, but this is a different season. I realize I am entering into a new span of time. A time of going, exploring and being out in our community. Things are opening up for me personally and us as a family that we have never been apart of in the past. And it's FUN!
Also, we have now been at our current residence for 2 years. We are settled. It feels like home. Oh, dulce domum, such a wonderful place.
We have friends and with that comes some of life's most terrific blessings:
Laughter!
Dinners!
Encouragement!
Tears!
Conversations full of challenging and sweet words.
I realized a couple of months ago that I have a fear of people. I don't really know how that fear got there but now that it has been shown to me, I have the power to deal with it. I am a very transparent person but with people you can get hurt, so there is a vulnerability with relationships that is terrifying. I have been going back and forth with myself and God and a couple close friends about these issues. I have been working out what exactly to do about these feelings. I have been challenged to step out and be a friend. A good friend. The kind of friend that I want. It's tough sometimes! I am such a homebody, I could be home all the time and be happy. But really, when I'm honest with myself, being a part of my community in the small ways I am right now give me great joy also. I am becoming more and more comfortable out in the great, small place I call home. I am not allowing myself to go over and over the stupid things I say when in groups. Really, I am getting over myself and seeing the gold in others.
You know what I am finding?
There's a lot of gold.
I'm rich and loaded down with blessings.
Showing posts with label community. Show all posts
Showing posts with label community. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 6, 2016
Saturday, May 28, 2016
We all
Last night. Wow. Can't believe I stayed up until, well, this morning; 3:30.
Had the most amazing conversation with my cousin, best friend and childhood playmate.
We haven't been in touch for years. Actually we were 10 when we last hung out and we are in our 30's now. If it wasn't for him and his amazing communication skills and huge heart, we probably still wouldn't be talking. I'm terrible in that way.
But he did take the time to connect and I'm so thankful.
As children we were inseparable, playing all summer long in the trees, catching frogs, and the general running amok that kids do. We shared some stories with my own kids last night. Some I hold dear to my heart and some I had forgotten about. My cousin has an amazing memory!
We shared the joys of growing up together, then when the littles had gone to bed we got down to the harder issues. Things we have wanted to talk about for ages, but have not had the chance to, until now.
We all carry burdens. All of us have gone through terrible and beautiful things. Sometimes the terrible are harder to figure out. What exactly did happen? Why? How did you get through it all? Where were you?
We were inseparable for years and then at 10 years old, we no longer saw each other. All of a sudden we were ripped apart and our lives took two very different directions. As a child you just roll with it, not really understanding everything, but going where the adults in your lives place you. We were only a town away but I never saw him. My life was then consumed with basketball, a new best friend, and lots of time with my sister. I honestly never even thought of how his life was and as he shared his story with me last night, I was so ashamed of my shallowness, my lack of thought toward him, my forgetting.
In short I had never thought of his side of the story. I was just whisked away and that was that.
Meanwhile, he was in his own home, dealing with even more darkness, sadness and confusion.
I'm not going to go into mass details for his sake and all of ours for that matter but my heart is heavy at the thought of the burdens we all carry. The things that happen to us and are flung on us or taken away in confusion, and we must all figure out how to deal and keep going on.
Decisions matter. They do not only affect yourself. Decisions affect all of those around you and most likely a generation after, possibly more.
Sin hurts. But God heals.
I don't think much about what happened all those years ago. I don't dwell on it or feel like it defines me in any way. I truly feel healed from it all. My story is not the same as others though. Some still are reeling from the pain, figuring out how to move on, how to forgive, or maybe just swallowed up by the choices of others and deciding to join in. I have Jesus in my life who has healed me, given me peace and washed all the hurt away as only He can.
But having such a beautiful and heart felt talk with my sweet and strong cousin has made me see things differently and more clearly, which has allowed more healing, more understanding and more love to come into our lives.
I'm so thankful for the gift of humility, love and care that my cousin is to those around him. He truly is an amazing man! I am blessed to have him as a friend again.
God is teaching me sympathy right now. He is showing me things that I couldn't see in the past but are so clear now. He is softening my heart, molding it to look more like His.
I'm so thankful for the people God uses to help me on my journey and I sure hope to be a help to others as well.
In short: be humble, love much, and go the extra mile to connect with someone. You won't regret it. Be the healing balm to someone's life if you can. That's a good choice and we need more of those in this world.
We all carry burdens. We all can love. We all can make this world beautiful.
Choose rightly. It matters.
I have been listening to a lot of Jon Foreman. He says things better than me.
Had the most amazing conversation with my cousin, best friend and childhood playmate.
We haven't been in touch for years. Actually we were 10 when we last hung out and we are in our 30's now. If it wasn't for him and his amazing communication skills and huge heart, we probably still wouldn't be talking. I'm terrible in that way.
But he did take the time to connect and I'm so thankful.
As children we were inseparable, playing all summer long in the trees, catching frogs, and the general running amok that kids do. We shared some stories with my own kids last night. Some I hold dear to my heart and some I had forgotten about. My cousin has an amazing memory!
We shared the joys of growing up together, then when the littles had gone to bed we got down to the harder issues. Things we have wanted to talk about for ages, but have not had the chance to, until now.
We all carry burdens. All of us have gone through terrible and beautiful things. Sometimes the terrible are harder to figure out. What exactly did happen? Why? How did you get through it all? Where were you?
We were inseparable for years and then at 10 years old, we no longer saw each other. All of a sudden we were ripped apart and our lives took two very different directions. As a child you just roll with it, not really understanding everything, but going where the adults in your lives place you. We were only a town away but I never saw him. My life was then consumed with basketball, a new best friend, and lots of time with my sister. I honestly never even thought of how his life was and as he shared his story with me last night, I was so ashamed of my shallowness, my lack of thought toward him, my forgetting.
In short I had never thought of his side of the story. I was just whisked away and that was that.
Meanwhile, he was in his own home, dealing with even more darkness, sadness and confusion.
I'm not going to go into mass details for his sake and all of ours for that matter but my heart is heavy at the thought of the burdens we all carry. The things that happen to us and are flung on us or taken away in confusion, and we must all figure out how to deal and keep going on.
Decisions matter. They do not only affect yourself. Decisions affect all of those around you and most likely a generation after, possibly more.
Sin hurts. But God heals.
I don't think much about what happened all those years ago. I don't dwell on it or feel like it defines me in any way. I truly feel healed from it all. My story is not the same as others though. Some still are reeling from the pain, figuring out how to move on, how to forgive, or maybe just swallowed up by the choices of others and deciding to join in. I have Jesus in my life who has healed me, given me peace and washed all the hurt away as only He can.
But having such a beautiful and heart felt talk with my sweet and strong cousin has made me see things differently and more clearly, which has allowed more healing, more understanding and more love to come into our lives.
I'm so thankful for the gift of humility, love and care that my cousin is to those around him. He truly is an amazing man! I am blessed to have him as a friend again.
God is teaching me sympathy right now. He is showing me things that I couldn't see in the past but are so clear now. He is softening my heart, molding it to look more like His.
I'm so thankful for the people God uses to help me on my journey and I sure hope to be a help to others as well.
In short: be humble, love much, and go the extra mile to connect with someone. You won't regret it. Be the healing balm to someone's life if you can. That's a good choice and we need more of those in this world.
We all carry burdens. We all can love. We all can make this world beautiful.
Choose rightly. It matters.
I have been listening to a lot of Jon Foreman. He says things better than me.
Sunday, March 20, 2016
We chose adventure
A few nights ago, Micheal and I were talking about our next order of business on our little cabin in the woods and he reminded me that "we chose adventure!" Yes, we did! And this weekend's adventure was putting me to rest by taking a tree down. A huge tree. A huge, dead tree. Right behind our house.
Our house was built with one side basically right up to the side of the hill. While we love the idea of a hobbit sauna, we wanted our home to have a walkway around the whole thing, so naturally we dug it out last Summer. And quickly thereafter, saw that one of the trees was dying. We had chopped apart one of it's main roots. Every time a gust of wind blew, I would lie in bed and fret over that huge tree killing my whole family.
A friend of ours is in the "Hey, I climb trees, and fall them" business, so he and another friend and their two awesome wives came over this weekend and helped us out.
With boots on and snatch blocks set to go, up the tree he went!
This was super fun and nerve wracking to watch. He cut the limbs off as he went up and the crew would gather them up in a pile. Then he chopped the top 1/3 off and then the rest.
There she goes! He expertly fell the tree in between all the others, missing anything and everything. Truly spectacular to watch!
I am relieved to have this behemoth down and happy to have one cord of wood for next winter already.
This was the beginning of this years home projects. We have SO MUCH to do but are enjoying the process. Next up is a new kitchen!
Our house was built with one side basically right up to the side of the hill. While we love the idea of a hobbit sauna, we wanted our home to have a walkway around the whole thing, so naturally we dug it out last Summer. And quickly thereafter, saw that one of the trees was dying. We had chopped apart one of it's main roots. Every time a gust of wind blew, I would lie in bed and fret over that huge tree killing my whole family.
A friend of ours is in the "Hey, I climb trees, and fall them" business, so he and another friend and their two awesome wives came over this weekend and helped us out.
With boots on and snatch blocks set to go, up the tree he went!
This was super fun and nerve wracking to watch. He cut the limbs off as he went up and the crew would gather them up in a pile. Then he chopped the top 1/3 off and then the rest.
There she goes! He expertly fell the tree in between all the others, missing anything and everything. Truly spectacular to watch!
I am relieved to have this behemoth down and happy to have one cord of wood for next winter already.
This was the beginning of this years home projects. We have SO MUCH to do but are enjoying the process. Next up is a new kitchen!
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
Holy Spirit, talk...... I'm listening
When God puts something on your heart to do, you better believe He is going to provide a way for it to happen.
It's been a great winter here in the mountains, but as with any winter, it gets long. And we do live in the mountains, somewhat secluded from others. Sure we have neighbors, but most of them don't live here all year.
And we home school, which means we are HOME most days. ;)
So, as 2015 was ending and a new year beginning, I felt God whisper, "Community."
"Okaaaay."
Sunday comes along. I sit in church and hear a lovely friend talk about the need for help in the Good News Club she leads. She approaches afterward. I know where this is going. I say, "Yes."
Now the kids are in basketball and we have committed to GNC and I think all is well. Well, it is going well. I am being stretched but enjoying it. We are getting all the things done and feeling pretty excited about it all.
Cue Monday morning phone call.
Tuesday's piano lessons are canceled. No problem. We can make them up.
Cue another phone call.
Tuesday's story time at the library needs someone to lead it.
"Hmmm. I get it Lord." I say, "Yes," again.
So, there you have it. Listen to those whispers. It is the Lord fulfilling something and it's pretty fun to be apart of!
It's been a great winter here in the mountains, but as with any winter, it gets long. And we do live in the mountains, somewhat secluded from others. Sure we have neighbors, but most of them don't live here all year.
And we home school, which means we are HOME most days. ;)
So, as 2015 was ending and a new year beginning, I felt God whisper, "Community."
"Okaaaay."
Sunday comes along. I sit in church and hear a lovely friend talk about the need for help in the Good News Club she leads. She approaches afterward. I know where this is going. I say, "Yes."
Now the kids are in basketball and we have committed to GNC and I think all is well. Well, it is going well. I am being stretched but enjoying it. We are getting all the things done and feeling pretty excited about it all.
Cue Monday morning phone call.
Tuesday's piano lessons are canceled. No problem. We can make them up.
Cue another phone call.
Tuesday's story time at the library needs someone to lead it.
"Hmmm. I get it Lord." I say, "Yes," again.
So, there you have it. Listen to those whispers. It is the Lord fulfilling something and it's pretty fun to be apart of!
Friday, March 4, 2016
Behold & Engage
What I have learned in life is that you can become opened to an idea and take a wee little bit from it. Then as you go along, you might find it keeps popping up and you get the joy of acquiring more from that topic, like a building snowball rolling down a mountain. Or as I like to think of it, connecting dots and creating constellations in your brain.
You don't start off with too many dots and therefore aren't seeing too many pictures, or constellations. Maybe things don't make sense. But after awhile you find you have a few stored away and they just keep growing. I mean, COME ON! I am with a 3 year old day in and day out and am constantly amazed at what he knows! He's got a lot connected up in that brain of his, but he has got a lot more to learn! As do I.
So, when I had the words Behold & Engage a couple years ago for my New Year's theme, I posted it in my house and I walked past it every day. Sometimes I thought about those words and what to do with them, but most of the time I didn't think much on them.
Until, this year!
Funny how they were flung back into my brain. Actually I found the poster I made in our shed the other day, and then I came across this article. The wheels were turning.
Behold........... the Lamb of God.
Who is the Lamb of God?
What did He do?
Why did He do it?
How did things go for Him? How did people respond? How's could go on and on...
Engage.......... in what God engages in.
Be about His business.
Love what He loves. Hate what He hates. Look to Him as my example.
Then go engage in the world where He has placed me. And repeat as well as I can, by the grace He so willingly gives.
Behold & Engage has grown to mean more to me than it did two years ago. I understand it more because I have spent more time with those words, contemplating what they mean and what to do with them.
More dots have been connected. I see more pictures. I am reminded I have far to go, but have come a long way, also.
I humbly behold and humbly engage. Any other way and it won't be like Christ. It won't get the desired results, which is love and relationship. Let's be honest here; I struggle. I'm a sinner saved by grace that is still being saved and sanctified daily. I don't always get it right. I'm sorry for that. But I (we!) must keep going.
So, in a nutshell, I behold Christ by spending time with Him, reading His holy scriptures, praying, asking, repenting, praising.
Then I engage with the world around me every morning when I wake up and see happy little people excitedly sharing their dreams and thoughts, and every time I go to the store for yet another bunch of bananas. And even at church with fellow believers. You get the idea.
I must be careful what I behold because it will effect the way I engage. Filling my mind with Truth, Beauty, and Goodness, will shape my thoughts in a way that I can share Truth, Beauty, and Goodness.
And vice versa with Lies, Ugliness, and Harshness.
May we all choose rightly, what and how, we Behold & Engage.
You don't start off with too many dots and therefore aren't seeing too many pictures, or constellations. Maybe things don't make sense. But after awhile you find you have a few stored away and they just keep growing. I mean, COME ON! I am with a 3 year old day in and day out and am constantly amazed at what he knows! He's got a lot connected up in that brain of his, but he has got a lot more to learn! As do I.
So, when I had the words Behold & Engage a couple years ago for my New Year's theme, I posted it in my house and I walked past it every day. Sometimes I thought about those words and what to do with them, but most of the time I didn't think much on them.
Until, this year!
Funny how they were flung back into my brain. Actually I found the poster I made in our shed the other day, and then I came across this article. The wheels were turning.
Behold........... the Lamb of God.
Who is the Lamb of God?
What did He do?
Why did He do it?
How did things go for Him? How did people respond? How's could go on and on...
Engage.......... in what God engages in.
Be about His business.
Love what He loves. Hate what He hates. Look to Him as my example.
Then go engage in the world where He has placed me. And repeat as well as I can, by the grace He so willingly gives.
Behold & Engage has grown to mean more to me than it did two years ago. I understand it more because I have spent more time with those words, contemplating what they mean and what to do with them.
More dots have been connected. I see more pictures. I am reminded I have far to go, but have come a long way, also.
I humbly behold and humbly engage. Any other way and it won't be like Christ. It won't get the desired results, which is love and relationship. Let's be honest here; I struggle. I'm a sinner saved by grace that is still being saved and sanctified daily. I don't always get it right. I'm sorry for that. But I (we!) must keep going.
So, in a nutshell, I behold Christ by spending time with Him, reading His holy scriptures, praying, asking, repenting, praising.
Then I engage with the world around me every morning when I wake up and see happy little people excitedly sharing their dreams and thoughts, and every time I go to the store for yet another bunch of bananas. And even at church with fellow believers. You get the idea.
I must be careful what I behold because it will effect the way I engage. Filling my mind with Truth, Beauty, and Goodness, will shape my thoughts in a way that I can share Truth, Beauty, and Goodness.
And vice versa with Lies, Ugliness, and Harshness.
May we all choose rightly, what and how, we Behold & Engage.
Friday, February 19, 2016
Heaviness
It was a good day. A great day. A hard day.
I should probably just do a brain dump in my journal but this is where I sit.
I feel a calling out. An expansion of the view I currently have. I need to invest in people. To encourage and love and listen to and just be there for. So many hurting that are just trying to live, to figure out what to make of this here world and the others that inhabit it.
Sweet souls experiencing the not so sweet.
Hard workers not getting the support they should receive.
Little boys learning how to make good choices.
I was able to be apart of all that today. It's humbling. I don't have all the wise words I long for and I think my people need. But I do have a listening ear and a heart of compassion for them and sometimes that is enough. I am hoping that is enough. It's sometimes all I have to give.
I also lift them up to my Father, knowing He has all the wisdom. Lord, would you please shed a little light on me and give me some, just a wee bit, of what You have?
Give me the words for my hurting daughter.
Give me the time and thoughtfulness for my friends.
Give me the understanding to help my son make good choices.
I am comforted knowing that all we go through can be turned into good. I know from experience that the hard, the frustrating, the confusing can be learned from. We will see growth and new life come from these circumstances. We will hope.
I should probably just do a brain dump in my journal but this is where I sit.
I feel a calling out. An expansion of the view I currently have. I need to invest in people. To encourage and love and listen to and just be there for. So many hurting that are just trying to live, to figure out what to make of this here world and the others that inhabit it.
Sweet souls experiencing the not so sweet.
Hard workers not getting the support they should receive.
Little boys learning how to make good choices.
I was able to be apart of all that today. It's humbling. I don't have all the wise words I long for and I think my people need. But I do have a listening ear and a heart of compassion for them and sometimes that is enough. I am hoping that is enough. It's sometimes all I have to give.
I also lift them up to my Father, knowing He has all the wisdom. Lord, would you please shed a little light on me and give me some, just a wee bit, of what You have?
Give me the words for my hurting daughter.
Give me the time and thoughtfulness for my friends.
Give me the understanding to help my son make good choices.
I am comforted knowing that all we go through can be turned into good. I know from experience that the hard, the frustrating, the confusing can be learned from. We will see growth and new life come from these circumstances. We will hope.
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