Had the most amazing conversation with my cousin, best friend and childhood playmate.
We haven't been in touch for years. Actually we were 10 when we last hung out and we are in our 30's now. If it wasn't for him and his amazing communication skills and huge heart, we probably still wouldn't be talking. I'm terrible in that way.
But he did take the time to connect and I'm so thankful.
As children we were inseparable, playing all summer long in the trees, catching frogs, and the general running amok that kids do. We shared some stories with my own kids last night. Some I hold dear to my heart and some I had forgotten about. My cousin has an amazing memory!
We shared the joys of growing up together, then when the littles had gone to bed we got down to the harder issues. Things we have wanted to talk about for ages, but have not had the chance to, until now.
We all carry burdens. All of us have gone through terrible and beautiful things. Sometimes the terrible are harder to figure out. What exactly did happen? Why? How did you get through it all? Where were you?
We were inseparable for years and then at 10 years old, we no longer saw each other. All of a sudden we were ripped apart and our lives took two very different directions. As a child you just roll with it, not really understanding everything, but going where the adults in your lives place you. We were only a town away but I never saw him. My life was then consumed with basketball, a new best friend, and lots of time with my sister. I honestly never even thought of how his life was and as he shared his story with me last night, I was so ashamed of my shallowness, my lack of thought toward him, my forgetting.
In short I had never thought of his side of the story. I was just whisked away and that was that.
Meanwhile, he was in his own home, dealing with even more darkness, sadness and confusion.
I'm not going to go into mass details for his sake and all of ours for that matter but my heart is heavy at the thought of the burdens we all carry. The things that happen to us and are flung on us or taken away in confusion, and we must all figure out how to deal and keep going on.
Decisions matter. They do not only affect yourself. Decisions affect all of those around you and most likely a generation after, possibly more.
Sin hurts. But God heals.
I don't think much about what happened all those years ago. I don't dwell on it or feel like it defines me in any way. I truly feel healed from it all. My story is not the same as others though. Some still are reeling from the pain, figuring out how to move on, how to forgive, or maybe just swallowed up by the choices of others and deciding to join in. I have Jesus in my life who has healed me, given me peace and washed all the hurt away as only He can.
But having such a beautiful and heart felt talk with my sweet and strong cousin has made me see things differently and more clearly, which has allowed more healing, more understanding and more love to come into our lives.
I'm so thankful for the gift of humility, love and care that my cousin is to those around him. He truly is an amazing man! I am blessed to have him as a friend again.
God is teaching me sympathy right now. He is showing me things that I couldn't see in the past but are so clear now. He is softening my heart, molding it to look more like His.
I'm so thankful for the people God uses to help me on my journey and I sure hope to be a help to others as well.
In short: be humble, love much, and go the extra mile to connect with someone. You won't regret it. Be the healing balm to someone's life if you can. That's a good choice and we need more of those in this world.
We all carry burdens. We all can love. We all can make this world beautiful.
Choose rightly. It matters.
I have been listening to a lot of Jon Foreman. He says things better than me.
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